Bible Study

               Since becoming a Christian I have yet to read the whole Bible, so this year my plan is to read it cover to cover, starting from Genesis right through to Revelations. I have read Genesis almost four times and each time I finish it I feel like I missed something so I go back and start all over again. I also have a habit of putting off my Bible study time till "later on", and next thing I know it's been two weeks and I haven't cracked open my Bible. How can I be a good model as a Christian if I don't even know what I'm talking about? The answer is simple: I can't. If I want to live my life according to God's word I need to know His word. There is so much time that is spent mindlessly staring at screens, whether it is a T.V. screen, a phone, or a computer, and I need to ask myself, "would God rather have me reading scripture, or reading someone's status?" Would God rather have me watch a T.V. show that encourages adultery and sinful behavior, or have quiet time and strengthen my relationship with Him? We live in a world that is constantly pulling us away from Christ and we can either let it happen or run even closer to God.

               To help me stick with my goal of reading the the whole Bible I have made myself a little schedule to stick to and I hope some of you may want to use it as well! I have also compiled a list of tips that will hopefully help you get into the habit of reading your Bible everyday, and help you resist the temptations and struggles we all face on a daily basis. Before I get into the tips and the schedule I made, I just want to say that everything I talk about is just stuff that has worked for me and things that I have had issues with. There is no right or wrong way to study the Bible and being a "good" Christian isn't dependent upon how often you do or do not read your Bible. Reading your Bible regularly does help you grow closer to Him, however.

Helpful Tips:

• When you can't sleep at night reach for your Bible instead of your phone or romance novel.
• Memorize a few different verses that you can recite to yourself when faced with temptation.
• When tempted to indulge in something sinful or something that may lead you further away from Christ, pray for someone you know is in need of it. It's good to turn your attention to someone/something else rather than focusing on trying to avoid a particular activity or thought. 
• If you have an iPod or a phone that apps can be downloaded to, get a Bible app so that whenever you have a free moment it can be devoted to God. I personally prefer reading from my actual Bible, but the apps are still a great resource!
• When reading from the Bible always have a pen and sticky notes with you and possibly a journal. You will absorb a lot more of the information if you are analyzing what you are reading. Try to underline certain verses or passages that stand out to you and make little notes in the page margins or on sticky notes that you can stick on the page. A journal can also be helpful if you don't like to write in your Bible or if your notes do not fit in the margin. 
• Reread something as many times as you have to if don't understand what it is saying.
• Set aside a certain time during the day so that you can read with no interruptions. 

                 I have made a schedule that I will be going by and I made it into a PDF so that any of you can use it if you'd like! Every month I will posting a new schedule for anyone to use. Again, this might not be a good schedule for everyone, but it is something that works for me.

                For the January Bible Study Schedule just click here. 

God's Plan

  

   I have finally found time to write up another post! I worked everyday this past summer and my new school program is very intense! But I think I have learned more this school year than I did in my two years at my former public high school! This month I submitted an application to Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA and at the end of this school year when I submit my final grades for my junior year I will know whether or not I have been accepted. Then in early September I bought a handsome yellow lab who has a lot of potential (if he can get over his love for biting).

Me and "King Solomon"
on the day I brought
 him home.

I have been doing good for the most part but recently I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
     Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes. Some symptoms include irregular periods (I've only had one in this past year), male pattern baldness, irregular and unwanted hair growth on the body, and acne. PCOS also increases the chances of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and weight gain.
     Over the summer I gained 50 pounds and in late October I went to my PCP and had a bunch of blood tests done, when they came back it showed that I had elevated levels of testosterone. My doctor then told me that this could cause me to have trouble conceiving in the future. When I was waiting for the blood tests to come back, and after I found out that it was PCOS, I was so depressed. My first thought was that God didn't want me to have children because I wouldn't be a good mother. That thought horrified me because once I am married I want to be a mother more than anything in the world. At the time I felt that one of the greatest gifts a woman can have was the ability to bear children and raise them, but I now know that that isn't true.
     The ability to have children is wonderful, but simply having a child isn't the only thing that God wants for women. God wants us to be followers of Christ and spreaders of His sacred word. He wants us to care for the weak and down-trodden. He wants us to be fishers of men. He wants us to follow the plan He has written for us. I have realized that having my own children may not be a part of his wonderful plan. In my plan I am married to a wonderful Christian man and I am the mother to as many children as God blesses me with. As much as I want to control every aspect of my future, I need to accept the fact that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows what will use my gifts to the fullest. Being a mother may not do that. I feel called to missions so He may be planning to use me as a long-term missionary, caring for the sick and underprivileged in a third world country, or doing some type of advocacy work in His name. Adoption might be a part of His plan as well. My job might be to be a mother to some of the sweet little babies whose biological mother couldn't care for them.
      Whatever God has in store for me I will accept it with an open heart. Whether I am a stay-at-home mom, a missionary, an adoptive mother, or something completely different, I will trust the Lord and do everything in His name.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."  Matthew 6:25-34

Self-Hate and Validation--Part 2

     Well this definitely didn't go up as soon as I had hoped, I've recently gotten a lot more hours at work so I've been quite busy, but I have been thinking and praying hard about where I wanted to go with this and I'm finally satisfied with it. This is something that is very important to me so I wanted to make sure I got it right. I have received some wonderful feedback and support and I would like to thank you all! I was very nervous about that last post, because it was something I'd never talked about before, but I'm glad I went ahead with it! I'd also like to mention that I did talk about some personal and serious matters. I wouldn't have mentioned it because I don't usually talk about such personal things, but I figured it may help someone who is going through something similar. Now on with part two! :)
     I went on wallowing in that pit for a very long time, but in the beginning of this year I felt it was time for a massive change. In the previous months before that, I always had these moments of shame where I realized I wasn't living my life the way I should be. Those moments came right after I said a swear-word (which was a lot), I gossiped, or I judged somebody (mentally and out loud). Then, at night when I'd lay down to sleep I would become very emotional and shameful thinking about all of the bad things I'd ever done, but right after it there would be this little voice in the back of my head telling me that God would still forgive me and that I just needed to get back to Him. I was honestly a little confused at first, because for years I had put Him on the back burner, and focused on building myself a good reputation and getting people to like me. I didn't realize that every time I would build up this perfect persona, and it came crashing down, that it was happening for a reason. That reason is that the only person I should ever be concerned about impressing, is Jesus Christ and that I didn't even need to try; He would love me regardless of whether or not I was popular at school, or if I was wearing pretty clothes, or dirty rags. As a result of my stubbornness I kept pushing Him away. My breaking point came after about two months of denying Him.
     Suicide. A word that makes people cringe and think of teens dressed in dark clothes who are depressed and get bullied. If you saw me at my lunch table at school you'd see me wearing jeans, a bright t-shirt, and laughing with a good sized group of friends. I wasn't getting bullied and at school I plastered a smile on my face to look like everybody else. But inside I felt like I was drowning in a pit of something that was far beyond me. Something that made me think of that awful, cringe-worthy word late into the night when I was at my weakest. One particular night that darkness just seemed to cloak me in fear, horror, and despair. I felt as if I was falling into an endless pit that I would never get out of, but out of no where that little voice, that I would always push away, kept getting louder and louder, until I couldn't make it disappear. I remember crying out to God and begging Him to take me in. Begging Him to save me from being lost in that horror-filled pit forever. Begging for His love, mercy, guidance, and salvation.
     After that it wasn't like everything was perfect all of a sudden. I still struggled, but no matter what, I had Him. I knew, though, that I needed to do something different. That's where that massive change I mentioned comes in to play. I couldn't declare that I was a follower of Christ while I was still cursing like a sailor, passing judgement onto others, participating in sinful activities, and tearing people down with my words.

      So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

                                                                Luke 14:33

 I tried hard to change my ways but no matter what I did I couldn't seem to shake my nasty habits. That's when I came across a book called Authentic Beauty, by Leslie Ludy. In this wonderful book the author talks about "cleaning out your inner sanctuary." To clean out your inner sanctuary, which is the special place between you and God, you need to let go of all things that keep you away from Him and His grace; whether it's movies and magazines you indulge in that encourage sin, or it's friends that encourage sin. For me it was relatively easy to let go of  material things that encouraged my sinful acts, but my friends were another story. At my school decent people seem to be few and far between, and the ones that are nice, still don't encourage Christ-like behaviour. My friends were also my main source of confidence and happiness at school, and I couldn't just let them go. But I knew that He had given His life for me, so giving up a few people that pull me away from Him, was nothing in comparison. So, I distanced myself from the people that were pulling me down, I was still nice to them, but I avoided daily gossip sessions and conversations that would lead me into any type of temptation. I even mentioned the fact that I wanted to become closer to God, but it was immediately rejected by my friends; one even said, "If you start acting like that I'll stop talking to you."
    Despite me becoming a bit discouraged by this, God continued to show Himself to me in wonderful ways. He brought us to a new church where it felt like we'd been going there forever and welcomed us with open arms. To make it even better there were even people my age that I began to attend a youth group with. It seemed like for everything I gave up, God continued to provide new and better things to replace them. Even if He didn't replace it all, it wouldn't matter, I'd still have Him.

     I don't want to ramble to much for this post so this is a good place to stop. Feedback and constructive criticism is definitely appreciated! I hope you all enjoyed it!

Self-Hate and Validation-Part One

 

  I promised that I would post about my refurnishing of a bookcase, which ended in failure by the way, but instead I have something different on my mind. After reading a blog post about self-image and acceptance,written by my friend Kristyn (I'll post the link to her blog at the bottom), I felt inspired and empowered to share my experience regarding the same issues.
    I've struggled most of my life with self-image and finding validation through my peers (especially boys) and their acceptance of me. Everyday you see commercials on T.V. and covers of magazines that flaunt this new image of beauty: being skinny and flawless. In today's society that is what every young girl looks at and tries to strive for, not knowing that only airbrushed models will ever achieve that perfect look. I myself have never been thin and if you were to ask me two or three years ago if I thought I was pretty, I would have said absolutely not. I tried to compensate for that with layers and layers of make-up and pretty clothes that I hoped would draw the attention of the opposite sex. Even though I did everything I could to make myself attractive to other people, I hated myself. Every time I looked in the mirror I'd scrutinize every inch of my body and then look away in complete disgust. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't popular enough, I wasn't good enough. These thoughts were constantly running through my head and it came to the point where I didn't even feel like myself anymore.
     Because this is such a huge issue in today's society I want start a series of posts regarding the problem. I don't have solid answers that could solve this epidemic of self-hate and insecurity, but I do know what has worked for me, and that's not to say that I don't have those struggles anymore, but I do cope with it better. I think it would be best if I start this series telling you about my lowest point regarding self-worth and acceptance.
     Middle school was rough to say the least. I struggled with finding solid friendships and after some lovely rumors spread about me, I was left alone with no friends at all. That was probably the worst part, I had grown accustomed to finding my strength and happiness through the people around me. I had always been insecure, but after this happened I was worse than ever. I couldn't figure out why this had happened to me. What was wrong with me? Why didn't these people like me? I was left thinking that I wasn't good enough and that I wouldn't ever be good enough. That's a horrible feeling to be stuck with, you know? I fell into a deep depression and it became an all consuming darkness that I couldn't seem to shake. (At this time I was far from my Saviour and I searched for comfort and love in places, except in His merciful arms)
     Then, a guy in my class befriended me. He had heard the rumors and lies, but he still accepted me. I ended up developing a massive crush on him, whether it was real or based on the fact that he was my only true friend, I don't know, but as time went on he expressed the same feelings towards me. It was like magic, all of a sudden it was like I was finally good enough. I was no longer some dork with no friends, I was worth something through him. More time passed and we entered high school. We had many discussions on whether or not we should date and I was all for it, but he always seemed hesitant and put off by the thought of us entering a relationship. Those thoughts of not being good enough worked their way back into my mind and they were confirmed when this happened:



"I've really Sam," he said this to a mutual friend and butterflies filled my stomach,

"But I'm embarrassed by her and I really don't want people to make fun of me for dating a girl like her."

     By then the butterflies in my stomach had been annihilated by the tornado that ripped its way through my gut. Every insecurity and flaw that had ever plagued my mind came rushing back to me, seemingly destroying any trace of confidence and self-worth that I had built up. This voice in my head kept shouting at me, "You're ugly, fat, disgusting and unworthy. What were you thinking? Did you really think you were good enough?" 

     This is probably a good place to stop because the next part of this story is my favorite part and I've rambled enough for this post:) The next part to this series will be about what pulled me out of that dark pit I was in. Feedback is much appreciated!
Here is the link to Kristyn's wonderful new blog- A Misguided Way With Words

     

Summer is Finally Here!

     Hello, everybody! Summer is finally here, which means that I can start posting to my blog regularly. I'm happy to say that I have finished out my last year of public school wonderfully; I almost had all A's (I was one point away from an A in geometry). Next year I will begin homeschooled and I will be actively posting about how that is going for me. I have decided to be homeschooled so that I can dedicate my life to Christ and center my learning around Him. I think this will be a great step towards living a set-apart lifestyle and make it easier to follow God's Word without constantly being pulled away from Him by the people around me. Tomorrow I will be posting about a bookcase I found in an abandoned building that I have been refurnishing!

About Me

     My name is Samantha and I am a 15 (almost 16) year old whose trying to grow closer to God. In the past few years I really lost who I was and I got into the wrong crowd. Just recently I have returned to being a faithful follower of Jesus Christ and I've made this blog so I can document my journey and the things I do along the way. I'm still struggling, but I hope that this blog may help at least one girl who is in a similar situation.
       I have two siblings and two gorgeous nieces and nephews! I live with my mother and father, who've been married for 22 years, in the capital of Maine. I plan on posting at least once a week until school ends, and then I'll hopefully be posting everyday during the summer. I will mostly be posting about scriptures that I found inspirational during my Bible study, youth group/church, crafts/DIY projects, books, and my day to day struggles and adventures as a I try to live a Christ-centered set-apart life!